Yes's and No's
by zeppelins ghost
Summary: she had to admit that she didn't want him to stop looking at her like that / spam - a timeline of events
1. Part 1

**A/N: This story basically ignores the iGoodbye and anything after. Meant to originally be a one shot, this will most likely end up being a three part story. As always, enjoy, disclaimer, I don't own iCarly, blah blah blah.**

* * *

When Sam was 16, she broke up with Freddie. Or Freddie broke up with her. They said it was mutual, but Spencer was never really sure, because sometimes he caught them looking at each other and it filled the room with a sense of uneasiness that Carly never seemed to be aware of.

Spencer was never sure what to make of it, but sometimes Sam would look at Spencer instead and he would fill with a happiness that he couldn't explain.

"I'm not sure if I love him anymore." Sam said one day, causing Spencer to look at her in a peculiar way. Before that, Spencer had been completely unaware that they were alone in the apartment.

"Who?"

"Freddie." Sam replied, her tone and expression casual. Spencer wasn't prone to discussing things like this with Sam: that's what Carly was for. When he didn't respond, Sam let out a breath and stood up from the couch and started walking to the kitchen.

"Why are you telling me?" Spencer said finally. Sam had already opened the fridge and started looking for something to drink. She felt his eyes boring into her back and she quickly grabbed a Peppy-Cola.

"Because I never told Carly how much it hurt." Sam said, looking more serious than Spencer had the stomach for. When he continued to stare, Sam continued. "When we broke up, it hurt. Looking at him hurt. But I told Carly it was mutual and Freddie acted like it was no big deal, and so I didn't tell Carly that it hurt. I'm still sad... but it doesn't hurt anymore." she whispered, walking closer to Spencer, who was sitting still on the couch. Spencer looked at her with sad eyes, but he tried to hide it. He knew she didn't want to feel pitied. Instead, he pulled her down onto the couch and put an arm around her.

"Hurting is good, Sam. Hurting means it mattered." Spencer said, putting his chin on her head and she leaned into him.

"This is kind of weird." Sam said, trying to alleviate the emotional situation. Spencer laughed, running a finger through her hair.

"Yeah, a little."

"Do you think I'll find someone else who will love me?" Sam whispered, quite enough that Spencer barely caught it. He was shocked at the question, and not quite sure how to respond. Eventually, he thought of the blonde currently in his arms and he was glad that she couldn't see his eyes.

" **Yes**." He said. "Anyone would be crazy not to love you."

* * *

When Sam was 17, she had gotten used to talking to Spencer about her problems. Apparently there were a lot of things that she just couldn't talk about with Carly. Freddie was one. College was another.

"She expects me to apply to all these different schools, Spence."

"Why don't you?"

"I'd never get in... besides, I just want to get into a culinary school."

Spencer thought it was pretty cool, Sam doing her own thing and not wanting to follow the crowd of Ridgeway teens who had college funds and money to spend on frat parties. He understood it, having never finished college himself. Sam was happy to have someone who would just listen, without judgement. Sometimes she thought that maybe she had gotten closer with Spencer than she was with Carly. She was surprised when she realized that she was definitely closer with Spencer than she had ever been with Freddie.

Sometimes Sam talked for hours and Spencer would just sit there and listen. He often found himself mesmerized by the way she talked, the way she laughed, the way her mouth moved, but he snapped himself out of it and focused back on her rant about Ms. Briggs, or Canadian bacon, or her mom. This didn't go unnoticed by Sam, and at first she wasn't sure how she felt about it. Certainly, there was something here that Carly would disapprove of, but Sam had to admit (if only to herself) that she didn't want him to stop looking at her like that.

One day, however, he stared longer than usual.

"Spence? Spencer? Are you even listening to me?" Sam said, snapping her fingers in front of his face. He blinked fast and cleared his throat.

"Uh, yeah, yeah." He said, not convincing enough, however. Sam frowned and tilted her head.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked. Spencer stared at her. He couldn't very well tell her that he was thinking about her mouth, her lips and the way they moved. Hell, he had been trying to tell _himself_ that that kind of thinking was wrong. _She's 17! She's your little sister's best friend!_ He would say to himself, before the devil on his shoulder would chide in. Sam gave him a look that said he must've been staring awhile, more exactly, he had been staring at her mouth again. Her lips parted and she looked his face up and down, her eyes soft. And then she did something he wasn't prepared for. She leaned in.

Unprepared as he was, he sat frozen as her hand gently touched his face and their eyes locked onto each other. Suddenly, her lips were on his and, goddammit, he wanted to melt. But he couldn't, because he had a conscience, an age gap, and a pretty blonde before him that was not an adult, as much as her curves would deny it. He lightly grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away.

" **No**." He whispered, not wanting to look her in the eyes, because when he did, she would likely look like a wounded puppy. He couldn't bear that.

Right then, looking at her hurt.

* * *

When Sam turned 18, she was a month away from graduating. She had finally caved and told Carly that she hadn't applied to any colleges. Carly was furious, of course. Not because she didn't apply, but because she hadn't told her.

" _I don't care if you go to Berkley or Washington State or clown college, Sam. I just want you to be happy."_

Carly, of course, had been accepted into all the schools she applied to. In August, she would be heading off to Brown, and Freddie would be heading to MIT. Deep down, Sam was a little sad that her friends were doing such aspirational things, but most of all, she was happy for them.

Things had gotten better with Freddie, more normal. She made jokes at his expense, and he laughed and called her 'she devil', and they had both seemed to move on from their short love affair. Things between Spencer and Sam hadn't been so good, though.

After that night, and the kiss, things had become strained between the two. Carly had noticed a change in Spencer, but never would have guessed the real reason why. When she tried to ask him what was going on, he always came up with some excuse that made sense to Carly, and she'd be off on her way. He always thought about the fact that without Sam, he wouldn't have been able to lie like that.

On the day of graduation, everyone seemed so happy. Everyone was smiles, and laughter, and relief. Freddie's mom took enough pictures to fill the MoMA, and Sam had high-fived principal Franklin as she walked across the stage. Carly was so proud of Sam, who had worked hard to graduate on time, she was like a mother hen.

That night the loft was filled with newly graduated young adults, all celebrating the biggest event in their life up to that point. Spencer gave Carly ground rules, and had retreated to his room, wanting to give Carly and her friends some space for what was likely their last big hurrah.

When it was nearing midnight, the party was getting louder, and Spencer was only hoping that Sam hadn't spiked the punch. Of course, he couldn't convince himself.

"You're missing a hell of a party."

Spencer jumped at the sudden voice, and turned around to see a curly blonde standing in his doorway, leaning against it as a party hat tilted sideways on her head.

"Sam." He said, just as she took a drink from her plastic cup. "Do I have you to blame for a bunch of underage drinkers in my apartment?" He tried to sound stern, or upset, but he couldn't help the smile that played on his lips. She laughed and shook her head.

"I think you'll have to blame Gibby for that one." She set the cup down on the dresser near the door and walked toward him. "You know, I'm 18 now..." she trailed off, looking up at Spencer as she entered his personal space.

"You're still Carly's best friend." Spencer stated, but not moving away from her. She ran her hand down in arm and his heart involuntarily skipped a beat. He closed his eyes and tried to center himself. Sam leaned in closer to him.

"I'm not worried about that right now."

"I am."Spencer finally backed away and looked down. Sam seemed to react the same, looking down at her shoes.

"Was I reading this wrong? Do you not like me?" Sam said, tears brimming in her eyes before she pushed them back. Spencer released a breath he hadn't known he was holding and moved closer to her again, placing a hand on her cheek.

"Oh, of course I do." He looked down at her with sad eyes. "But will you still feel this way in the morning, when you've sobered up and you can think clearly? When you can imagine how Carly would react, how Freddie would react?"

" **Yes**." She responded clearly. It came out steady and strong, like she had just been waiting for him to ask that exact question. He sighed and moved his hand from her face.

"Then we'll talk then."

* * *

Sam woke up the morning after graduation with a headache. Apparently, so did everyone else, because no one dared speak too loud, and the few people that had stayed and passed out in the Shay apartment were slowly waking, and holding their heads in the process. There was, however, a pleasant smell of bacon entering her nose and she suddenly decided that greasy food was the only hangover cure she would ever need.

Quietly, she walked to the kitchen, finding Carly and Spencer chatting over the sound of sizzling and popping. Carly looked up and shook her head.

"Well you just look like a ray of sunshine this morning." She said sarcastically. Sam stuck out her tongue at her best friend.

"How are you so perky right now?" Sam asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee and stealing a piece of bacon off the skillet, momentarily meeting Spencer's eyes before turning back to Carly.

"Well apparently I'm the only one that knows when to stop drinking." Carly laughed, leaning back and pulling her hair up into a ponytail. Spencer leaned against the counter and lifted a mug to his mouth.

"You know, as the parental figure here, I feel like I should be condemning the actions of last night." He said, taking a sip of coffee. "However, considering that no one drove home drunk and the cops weren't called, I'm gonna let it slide."

"Ah, to be a lenient guardian taking care of a teenage sibling." Carly chided, patting Spencer on the shoulder as she stood up and walked out of the kitchen. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Sam, don't throw up on Spencer." Carly pranced up the stairs, Sam shaking her head at her perky friend.

A few minutes passed in awkward silence as Spencer and Sam drank their coffee. Eventually, Sam sighed.

"I hadn't, you know." Sam said, staring down at the table. Spencer frowned at her.

"What?"

"Imagined it." She tapped her fingers on the table and finally looked up at him. "I hadn't imagined how Carly would react. I had thought about it, but I hadn't fully imagined a scenario."

"And you have now?" Spencer pulled out the chair opposite her at the table and slowly sat down. Sam nodded.

"I think... we wouldn't have to tell her right away."

"I think that could be very dangerous."

"I think we shouldn't tell her anything until we know exactly where we stand." Sam looked hard at Spencer and he could see a look of determination underneath her stern expression.

"Okay."

Sam looked at him in shock. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? He let out a small laugh at her expression. Suddenly, she leaned over across the table.

"Does this mean you'll kiss me now?" She said, a burst of confidence overcoming her. Spencer set down his mug and smiled at her.

" **Yes.** "

* * *

 **Part 2 coming soon (hopefully). Reviews are oh so welcome!**


	2. Part 2

**A/N: This has honestly been the easiest fic to write, I don't know why, but it has come very easily to me. Hopefully that means smooth reading?**

* * *

Things after graduation seemed to move fast, but slow at the same time. As much as Spencer didn't like it, he found himself keeping a very, very big secret from Carly. Now, the secret itself wasn't all that hard to keep (Spencer had gotten much better at the whole keeping secrets thing); what was really hard was when Carly and Freddie were around, and Sam was sitting there, beautiful blue eyes and flowing blonde hair, and he couldn't touch her. He couldn't hold her, or kiss her, or tell her how gorgeous she looked. Yeah, that was definitely the hard part.

It was the middle of June. For three weeks Spencer and Sam had kept their secret, stealing kisses in the middle of the night and cuddling on the couch when Carly wasn't there. However, the summer temperatures where really starting to rise, and Carly and Freddie seemed to spend more and more time inside the apartment, safe from the sun in the air conditioning. Suffice it to say, Sam and Spencer were not getting enough of each other.

One night, Sam had a hankering for some midnight ham, sneaking downstairs to take a peak in the fridge. It wasn't her fault, really, that it was so hot outside, and the air conditioning didn't quite seem to cut it. It wasn't her fault that she was too hot to wear full pajamas, and had settled for just an oversized t-shirt. Spencer wouldn't agree, however, if asked later.

"Wow." A voice came from behind Sam as she leaned down to search for her late night snack. Suddenly, an arm wrapped around her waist and she squealed (a Sam squeal, a "tough" squeal, as she would defend). "You're so beautiful." Spencer whispered into her ear, lightly kissing at her neck. Sam sighed.

"Is it because I have no pants on?" She inquired, turning around to face him. She smiled at him as he raised an eyebrow.

"It's possible it's a factor." He pulled her closer by her waist, pressing their bodies together. He took her chin in one hand and pulled her lips up to his. The kiss was light at first, soft; but it soon became more heated and full of longing. Spencer pressed Sam up against the fridge and ran his hands through her hair. He trailed his kisses down her jaw and onto her neck, satisfied as she sighed in contentment.

Suddenly, Spencer felt Sam freeze up, and looked up to see her staring behind him. Seeing the fear in her eyes, he slowly turned around, laying his sights on Freddie, who had seemingly come silently through the front door.

Freddie felt like a statue, like his feet were cement, like a deer in headlights, and whatever other metaphors you can come up with: either way, he felt unable to move.

"Oh my God."

It seemed that they all said it at the same time. Sam pushed Spencer away from her lightly and the two stared at the younger boy. It was quite the scene, Sam and Spencer in the dark kitchen, Freddie all the way across the room, his face lit by the light coming through the window. It could've been a Renaissance painting.

Sam was the first to speak again.

"Freddie, you can't tell Carly." Was all she said, breaking Freddie out of his stupor. He looked at her in what she could only describe as awe.

"Can't tell- Are you kidding me?" He turned to Spencer, a look on his face that said 'are you completely insane?!'

"Freddie, we're not ready to tell Carly yet," Spencer started, walking slightly toward Freddie. "We will, just... not now."

"I can't keep this a secret!" Freddie groaned. Sam glared at him.

"You can and you will," Sam threatened, "Or so help me I will break every bone in your body!" Sam marched over and grabbed Freddie by his collar. Spencer felt then that he needed to interfere.

"Alright Sam, holster your weapons." Spencer said, placing his hand on Sam's, making her grip loosen. He kept his hand over hers and gave her a reassuring look. Freddie looked on with his mouth wide open.

"What the hell is going on? First my mom won't turn up the AC because she things there's toxic mold in the vents, and then I come here to crash and you guys are..." Freddie tried to catch his breath and looked over to the couch. "I need to sit down."

Spencer and Sam looked at each other and then decided they should maybe step apart, for Freddie's sake.

"We're... together." Sam said, glancing down at Freddie, who looked absolutely green. Freddie covered his mouth and stared forward. He was silent for awhile and then he nodded.

"I'm gonna go home."

"You're not gonna crash here?" Spencer asked, to which Sam gave him a strange look. Freddie looked between the two.

" **No.** "

* * *

They're first big fight was... well let's just say it was somewhere between _Cold War_ and _Armageddon._ Never in his life had Spencer yelled at Sam, but somehow he found himself screaming, and she was screaming right back. When all the screaming was done, and they couldn't even remember what they were fighting about, a lone tear ran down Sam's face, and Spencer hated himself for it. They had said some things they didn't mean, some things that cut deep and opened old wounds. Sam wiped the tear from her face and whispered.

"I don't want to fight." She said. "Freddie and I always fought - and I don't want it."

"Me neither," He paused. "Do you even know why we're fighting?" Spencer said, honestly not sure of it himself. She looked up and laughed slightly, then sniffled. She shook her head.

"No, no I don't."

"Come here." Spencer pulled her into a hug and he could feel her arms shaking lightly. At first, he thought she was crying, and then realized she was laughing. He pulled away and looked at her incredulously. She laughed even more.

"We just had our first big fight, and we don't even know what it was about." She kept laughing, and soon he found himself laughing, too.  
"I think we should tell Carly." She said suddenly, throwing Spencer for a loop. He stared at her and looked into her eyes; she looked happy, even as her nervousness grew. It was time. It didn't feel forced, it didn't feel like something they _had_ to do, but something they _wanted_ to do. Spencer nodded and brought her in for another hug.

"Do you think she's gonna freak out?" Sam asked, her voice slightly muffled by Spencer's shirt.

"Oh, yeah. Definitely." Spencer sighed. " **Yes**."

* * *

In the end, they decided to have Sam tell Carly by herself (together, it kind of felt like ganging up on her). Of course, Spencer didn't realize that Sam wasn't so good at _words_ while under pressure.

Spencer sat on the couch, waiting for it to be over. Sam and Carly were upstairs, and it was up to Sam to get the deed done. Then Spencer heard yelling and his eyes went wide. He heard steps on the stairs and turned, unsure of what to expect. Carly came around the corner, putting Spencer in her sights as she ran down the steps.

"Sam, what did you do?" Spencer looked at the blonde who was following his sister, and she shrugged and mouthed 'I don't know'.

"You're hooking up with my best friend?!" Carly said, whacking Spencer on the shoulder, then looking at Sam. "And you! My brother?!"

"Hooking up?" Spencer looked between Sam and Carly, questioning Carly's words. They both looked at him, confused. "Carly, we're not just 'hooking up.'" Spencer said, looking slightly offended at the phrase. Carly's mouths hung open, but he could see Sam try to hide a smirk. Carly looked stupefied.

"Wait-" She looked behind at Sam, who looked slightly guilty, but a little happy, and then to Spencer, who had just about the same expression. "You mean...? Do you- Do you love her?" Spencer was caught off guard. He hadn't really thought about it. He loved being _with_ Sam, and he always knew he _loved_ her, but was he really and truly _in love_ with her? Sam seemed just as surprised by the question, and could only watch and wait as she saw the wheels turning in Spencer's head. Suddenly, Spencer looked up with a smile, glancing at Carly for a moment and then looking straight at Sam.

" **Yes**." His grin widened. "I really do."

* * *

"Freddie knew before me?" Carly asked, a hurt look crossing her face. Freddie grimaced and shook his head.

"I caught them sucking face a few weeks ago, it wasn't really something I wanted to know - or see." Freddie said sarcastically. Sam rolled her eyes, but still smiled as she held Spencer's hand underneath the table. Spencer smiled slightly, and Carly couldn't help but catch it. ' _This is so weird.'_ was all she could think.

Eventually things calmed down and Carly went to the mall with Wendy, and Freddie decided he didn't want to stick around with Sam and Spencer and run the risk of seeing them 'suck face' again.

"So you really meant that, what you said?" Sam asked, not looking Spencer in the eye, but focusing on his hands, which her holding hers.

"Really really." He let go of her hands and cupped her face. "I really do love you Samantha Puckett." He didn't know if she would say it back, but he decided it would be okay if she didn't. She wasn't the best with emotions, or words. So when she responded, he felt happier than he ever had in his life.

"I love you too, Spence. I really do." She smiled and kissed him hard, crashing their lips together in a kiss that was nowhere near as innocent as anything they had done before. There was a spark, right then, that was ignited, and before they knew it there were flames (the only kind that Spencer was happy to have started). Suddenly, Sam pulled back and took his hand, dragging him behind her.

Before he knew it, they were on his sheets and his fingers were in her hair and they were doing several things they had never done before.

"Are you sure?"

" **Yes.** Definitely yes, Spencer."

* * *

When Sam finished culinary school, Spencer had never been more proud. He was almost 34 and she didn't know it, but for a few months, he'd had a ring burning a hole in his pocket. He wasn't sure when it would happen, or even if, but being who he was, he wanted to be spontaneous.

Sometimes she would say things that made him want to propose then and there.

 _"I think I look good in white, don't you, Spencer?"_

 _"Carly keeps buying me jewelry, but none of it looks quite right on me."_

" _Look how cute this baby is, Spence! Can you imagine; our kids are gonna be so cute."_ \- That one had made her stop and blush before trying to change the subject.

Then there were times that she said things that made him push the ring even deeper into his pocket.

 _"We already live together, what more commitment does our relationship need?"_

 _"I've never understood the desperation of people to sign a piece of paper to prove their love to each other."_

 _"I'm only 22, I still have time to travel and explore; it's a good thing I'm not really tied down!"_

In July, Carly was home for the summer and, as much as Spencer wanted to surprise everybody, he _had_ to get a second opinion. He set the ring down in front of her as she ate her breakfast, eyes going wide when she laid her eyes on it.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Spencer asked. Carly stood up, almost knocking her bowl of cereal over in the process.

"Oh, Spencer, I think she'll love it." Carly said, bringing Spencer into a hug. Spencer let out a small sigh of relief. He had done a lot to brew doubt inside himself lately, but now he had a newfound confidence. Carly let go and looked bubbly as ever. "So how are you going to do it?"

"I want it to be special, I'm just waiting for the right moment." Spencer replied. Knowing her brother, Carly shook her head, smiling big.

"My wise old brother, finally making the big leap."

Unsurprisingly, Spencer became too impatient and pulled out the ring in bed later that night, but Sam had never really been a sentimental person anyway.

Of course, she said ' **yes** '.

* * *

 **Reviews are always _very_ lovely. :)**


	3. Part 3

**A/N: This may be slightly shorter than the first two parts, but it's full of fluff, sadness, pain, love, and happiness. It's a roller-coaster, just warning you.**

* * *

"And then you say I do-"

"We already know this part. Would you just get on with it?" Sam was more irritable than usual. Spencer had been watching her tap her foot, crossing her arms as she stared ahead. He tried to think if he had done something to make her mad, but came up blank. _Just get through his rehearsal,_ he thought. The minister gave him a look over his glasses, then continued.

"Then I announce you man and wife, and you..." He looked between the couple, shifting uncomfortably. "You kiss." Sam continued to stare forward, as if she hadn't even heard the man three feet in front of her. Spencer shook his head at the man, ushering him to go away. When they were alone, Spencer turned to Sam.

"Okay, am I imagining things, or is our marriage on the rocks before it's even begun?" Spencer said, annoyance masking the concern in his voice. Sam looked taken aback.

"What? What are you talking about?" She uncrossed her arms and looked around in a confused state. Spencer frowned.

"Sam, what's wrong? Are you nervous or-" He paused, a sadness entering his expression. "-are you having second thoughts?" His tone made her heart break. She shook her head, reaching out to rest her hand on his chest.

"No! No, Spencer, it's not that." She looked at him and he couldn't read her expression. He huffed.

"Then what is it?"

Sam took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant."

Spencer stared at her, unsure if he had heard her right. And then realization dawned on his features and he started to smile.

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking deep into her eyes. She nodded. Suddenly, she felt herself being picked up in his arms and she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. Spencer spun her around and squeezed her tight. "This is amazing!" He exclaimed.

Sam looked at him with happiness, but it was mixed with confusion.

"You really think we're ready for this?" She asked. Spencer laughed.

"Oh, hell **no**." He said, to which Sam frowned. Spencer looked down at her stomach and grinned from ear to ear. "But we will be."

* * *

On their wedding day, Sam wore sneakers with her dress, and Spencer wore light up socks (because who would they be without out their funny little quirks), and Carly just about had a stroke. Years later, she would say it was the most stressful day of her life.

"Do you, Spencer Shay, take Samantha Puckett to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?"

"You bet I do." Spencer smiled and squeezed Sam's hand reassuringly. The minister turned to Sam.

"And do you, Samantha Puckett, take Spencer Shay to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?" He gave a worried glance to Spencer.

"Hell **yes**!" Sam said, causing Carly to cover her face in embarrassment (and Marissa Benson to nearly faint in her seat). Spencer let out a laugh and shook his head. He was pretty sure this minister wouldn't be doing anymore weddings for awhile.

* * *

Nine weeks after their honeymoon, their world shook. There was blood and hospitals, and after all was said and done, they came home with sadness in their hearts, an empty apartment, and no baby in their arms.

A week later, he found her in Carly's old room - the one they had started painting and baby-proofing. She looked up at him with tired eyes, and then down again at the black and white picture in her hand.

"It hurts because it matters, right? That's what you said." Sam whispered. Spencer sat down beside her on the floor and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, that sounds familiar." He sighed.

"Well, this hurts, Spencer. It hurts so much I don't know if I can take it."

He couldn't say it aloud: that he was devastated, too. He felt like his heart had been ripped out and cut up, and all he'd been given was craft glue to put it back together. But he couldn't tell Sam that. He was her rock; he was the only thing keeping her standing. If he broke, there was a very real possibility that Sam couldn't be pieced together again.

"We lost a baby, Sam. It's supposed to hurt. But we still have each other."

Sam turned away, her lip trembling as she tried to compose herself. She nodded, still not looking at him.

"We'll be okay, right?" Sam had always hated the idea of hope, but right then, she decided it was what she needed most. Spencer pulled her close to him and hid his face in her hair as he failed to keep a tear from rolling down his cheek.

" **Yes** , Sam. We'll be okay." He closed his eyes and whispered. "Eventually... we'll be okay."

* * *

Sam knew how to improvise: more importantly, she knew how to lie. Of course, lying to her husband was not something she made a habit of, but in current circumstances, she decided to shrug it off.

" _I'm just going to the store, Spencer. I'll be back in a little bit."_ She had said, throwing a wave over her shoulder and hiding a smirk as she walked out the door. He had been too engrossed in his current project to pay much attention to her, anyway.

She hadn't wanted to say anything, unsure if her plan would come to anything. Driving down the street, she counted the numbers. _203, 204, 205... 206._ She slowed to a stop in front of a white house. It was probably the simplest on the block, but she thought it had character. She unbuckled her seat belt, stepping out of the car and waving to the man on the porch.

"Hey Jake, how's it hangin'?" She said. The man nodded and shifted the binder in his hands.

"Hey, Sam." He looked back at the door, seeing paint flaking off of the old wood. "So this is it?" He didn't look impressed. "You know, there's a similar one down the street for sale, it's newer and-"

" **No**." Sam shook her head, running a finger along the golden numbers. _206._ "This is the one."

* * *

"Hey Spence?" Sam looked up from her spot on the couch, biting her nail as she watched Spencer stir something on the stove. He turned halfway, keeping his hand on the spoon, but managing to look at her.

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking..." Sam started, her heart beating a little faster than usual. "What do you think about getting a house?" She watched him patiently as an unfamiliar expression crossed his face.

"I don't know... Why? Do you want a house?" Spencer asked. He hadn't thought about it much before. He did, however, realize that she may not want to live in the loft forever. It wasn't exactly the "perfect" place to raise a family. Sam shrugged.

"It'd be nice, you know. It'd have both our names on it, and we could get rid of the whole crazy doorman business. Not that Lewbert isn't, you know, pleasant." She said sarcastically, continuing to stare at Spencer, trying with all her might to not give away anything with her expression. Spencer thought for a moment.

"Okay, we could start looking." He said, noticing something different in her eyes. She grinned at him. He raised an eyebrow at her as he finally put the spoon down and turned fully to face her. "What?"

"I actually think... I might've already found one."

.

Spencer thought he recognized the area as they drove through it, the trees casting shadows on the car as they made their way down the street. He couldn't quite place it, though. Eventually they stopped and Sam pointed toward the white house, smiling at the chipped paint and gold numbers. Spencer stared at it for a moment before opening his door, looking harder at the house.

"Sam... that's-"

"The house you grew up in, I know." She interrupted, watching him closely as his expression remained unchanged. Slowly, the sides of his mouth twitched and he released a breath.

"This is- You're amazing." His eyes twinkled as he ran around the front of the car, pulling her into a deep kiss. When he pulled back, she stared back into his eyes and laughed.

"So that's a yes?" She asked.

" **Yes**." He put an arm around her and looked again at the house. Sam breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Thank God, I already applied for a loan."

* * *

Spencer was 38 when he found himself constantly on edge (he felt like he was waiting for a glass ball to drop and shatter). Then after nine months, the feeling was replaced with a different feeling that he couldn't quite place, but it was somewhere between joy and anxiousness.

Spencer watched Sam from the kitchen, his body propped up by the door frame. A smile played on his lips. Freddie put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a knowing look.

"It is something, isn't it?" Freddie grinned and looked in Sam's direction. She was currently sleeping soundly on the couch, her arm hanging over the side of the cushion as her hand rested inside the small crib beside her. Spencer chuckled quietly, careful not to disturb the sleeping mother.

"Beckett hasn't been letting her sleep for days." Spencer said, reluctantly turning away from his view. He walked to the fridge and leaned down, grabbing two glass bottles from the bottom shelf. He turned to Freddie and held one up. "Beer?"

Freddie accepted and they sat down at the kitchen table, Spencer propping his feet up and letting out a content sigh.

"So how's your newfound fatherhood going?" Freddie asked. Spencer shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh, I'm getting the hang of it... Sam is- Sam's amazing; she really is." Spencer looked at his bottle and stared at the liquid for a minute before sighing. "Honest truth? I was worried. When we first brought him home, we were both so relieved that I don't think either of us had thought much further ahead." Spencer suddenly looked sad as a new (or rather, old) thought crossed his mind."After... you know..." He glanced at Freddie, and could see pity in his expression. He took a deep breath. "I just don't think she would've survived if we'd lost another one. I was on edge the entire pregnancy, and now... it feels like something should go wrong. Like, after all that we went through before, this is too... easy."

Freddie shook his head.

"Spence, I think you're the first person to say that raising a newborn is easy." He said. "But you guys deserve to be happy." Freddie leaned in slightly, looking Spencer in the eye. "You are happy, right?"

Spencer looked over at his sleeping wife and child, a smile creeping onto his face.

"More than I've ever been." He said. Freddie tapped the side of his glass bottle distractedly.

"Ever wish you could go back, change any of it?"

" **No** ," Spencer said, pushing around the silver ring on his left hand, "not a single second."


End file.
